I AM TOO FAT.
There. I said it.
They always say (who is this mysterious “they,” I always wonder?) that the first step to overcoming a problem is to admit that you have one. Up until now, I’ve told myself all kinds of lies about my fat problem, because the truth was too painful to face:
1) I’m not really fat, I’m just voluptuous.
2) My husband likes me just as I am (this is true, but it’s still no excuse to be fat!)
3) The average American woman wears a size 14, and since I can still squeeze into a 12 occasionally, I’m actually thin!
4) I need to eat more because I’m still nursing (only once a day, for about 5 minutes, just to calm her down before bed. I hardly think this counts).
5) I’m still carrying baby weight. (The child is almost 2 years old. I must let this go).
It’s very difficult to let go of my excuses and face the truth…I am too fat. In my defense, I do have health conditions which contribute to my fatness. Polycystic ovarian disease, and the hormone cocktail that’s used to treat it, both cause weight retention, as does hypothyroidism, which I developed after my first pregnancy. But let’s be honest…the biggest reason why I’m fat is that I just eat way too much.
Weight loss is really a very precise science. To lose weight, we must expend more energy than we take in. It’s very simple. We’ve heard it a million times. The problem is that we don’t do it. Why? Because it’s boring! It’s tedious! We don’t want to count calories, and measure our food, and deny ourselves dessert. Instead, we try diet pills, diet shakes, diet programs…only to gain the weight back again eventually. Which brings me to my story.
I am 5’6″ tall. When I was in high school, I weighed 125 pounds. Always. I never went up or down. I wore size 7 jeans, could eat absolutely anything I wanted, and never gave my weight a thought. Then I went to college.
It’s the classic story. My eating habits in college were less than perfect. I lived on a steady diet of pasta, because it was cheap, and I was dirt poor because I was putting myself through school with no financial assistance from my parents. I was also involved with an overweight man who had very poor eating habits. He liked to eat in restaurants a lot, and before I knew it, I had gained 25 pounds. I certainly wasn’t happy about it, but at that point in my life, I had bigger worries (so to speak) than my weight. Even with 25 extra pounds, I was still at the high end of my healthy weight range, so I decided that I could live with it. I stayed at 150 pounds all through college.
When I was 23, my hormonal problems started. I stopped menstruating altogether, and was eventually diagnosed with polycystic ovaries, and put on hormone pills to regulate my cycles. My weight began to slowly inch up, higher and higher, until one morning, I stepped on the scale, and was totally shocked to see that I weighed 174 pounds!
I decided that I was going to lose that weight, and because I was fresh out of college, and still poor, I was going to do it without spending any extra money. At the time, there was a free online calorie counting program called “DietWatch,” (it’s not free anymore!) and I used it to keep track of the calories I ate each day. I also began a walking program, and I lost 29 lbs in about 6 months. At 145 lbs, I felt pretty good. I was back within my healthy weight range, my blood pressure was normal, and I had my energy back. I was happy.
After I got married, and we went through IVF to have our babies, my weight started creeping back up again. Let’s face it…daily shots of high dose hormones, two pregnancies, 6 weeks of bedrest, hypothyroidism….none of these things have helped me. I also make the same mistakes that many moms do. I eat my children’s leftovers so they won’t go to waste. I don’t exercise enough, partly because I don’t like it, and partly because I have trouble working it into my schedule. I have the best of intentions, but when I’m really busy, it’s the first thing to go. I’m always busy taking care of everyone else, but I don’t take care of myself.
The last time I went to the doctor, I weighed…here it comes…184 pounds! You can’t imagine how difficult it is for me to admit this to myself, and to you. I almost can’t even say it! It sticks in my throat, and doesn’t want to come out. 184 pounds. Nope, it doesn’t get easier the more I say it. I have NEVER weighed this much. Never, never, never.
I’m determined to get control of my weight again, but I’m not going to buy special diet foods or pills. I’m not going to sign up for Weight Watchers, or Jenny Craig, or NutriSystem. I’m just going to count calories, and exercise more, because it’s cheap, and it worked for me in the past. If you want to join me on this weight loss journey, this is the first step:
You must weigh yourself. This is the horrible part, and you may have been ignoring your scale for a long time because it was too scary, but now you must be honest with yourself and face it. Then you can move forward.
Tomorrow, we’ll make a weight loss plan, and I’ll share some of my favorite tools and tricks with you. I won’t lie to you…this isn’t going to be easy, but it’ll be better if we do it together. Everything, even dieting, is easier and more fun when you do it with a friend.
