The M Word

When I was pregnant with Bee, I often daydreamed about that special day when my precious baby girl would call me "Mommy" for the first time. I imagined that it would be the most beautiful and touching moment of my life.

And it was. The first time. Maybe even the first few hundred times.

After 15 gazillion times, the sweetness wears off just a teensy bit.

My children utter the word "Mommy" more than any other. It's their all-purpose sentence starter, and it has many different variations in style, tone and inflection:

1) The "Mommmeeeeeeee!" - This means that they've lost sight of me for a brief second, and, as you know, this is simply not acceptable. I often hear this one while taking a shower, or trying to pee. It's usually accompanied by little fingers shoved under the bathroom door.

2) The "MOM!" - They reserve this one for when I'm trying to concentrate on something really important, or am nearly asleep. It typically causes me to jump 10 feet out of my chair, and spit Coke all over my computer, or bolt upright in bed on the verge of a heart attack.

3) The "Mo-om" - When Bee draws out the middle syllable in an exasperated manner, I know that I've like, done or said something, like, totally stupid or lame.

4) The "Mommy? Mom mom mommy!" - This is how Cakes wakes me up in the morning. It's funny, because Bee said the exact same thing when she was a baby, only not at such a high decibel level.

5) The "Mommy, um...." - This almost always comes from Cakes. She doesn't actually want or need anything. She just likes to hear herself talk.

6) The "Mommy truck!" or train, or bird, or any other word Cakes knows - The only response required for this one is "Yes sweetie, I see the truck." She will then repeat it 25 or 30 times, to which I must respond with a variety of yeses, mmmm hmmms, and that's rights.

7) The "MOMMY OW!" followed by hysterical sobbing - This is the one that makes me drop everything and run, because I fear that someone has knocked a tooth out, or shoved a small instrument into their eye socket, or ingested a toxic substance. It's also the one that gives me 5 more gray hairs each time I hear it.

I've gotten very, very tired of hearing the word "Mommy." Anymore, it's almost like a naughty word at our house. When my children begin to say the M word, I interrupt them with "NO! Don't say it!" or "I swear, if you say that word one more time..."

Last weekend, during the 15-minute drive to church, my husband, who finds this all terribly amusing because he doesn't have to listen to it all day, actually counted how many times the children said "Mommy."

The final tally:
Bee - 10
Cakes - 137

147 times. In 15 minutes

I'm considering changing my name. I will no longer respond to "Mommy" or any of its mutations. I will only respond to "Queen Valencia Van Hogen Bottom."

I'd like to hear them say THAT 147 times.