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I sincerely hope she's wrong.
What is this delightful and unique trait, you ask?
They poop in the bathtub.
Bee did it when she was a baby, and now Cakes is carrying on the fine, time-honored tradition. Every time we put her in that nice, warm, relaxing tub of water, she just lets 'er rip!
My husband and I then have the big debate about who will go in and clean up the mess. It might go something like this:
DH: "It's not my turn."
ME: "Yes sir, I did it last time!"
DH: "I'll give you a million dollars if you'll do it."
ME: "You don't even have a million dollars."
DH: "I might. You don't know. Maybe I have secrets."
ME: "Yeah right. *snort* You couldn't keep a secret from me if you tried!"
DH: "What will you give me if I do it?"
ME: "What do you want?"
DH: *raises eyebrows*
ME: "Forget it!"
I'm sure you get the picture.
Now that Bee and Cakes take baths together, the tub-time pooping has become more problematic, largely because Bee is totally and completely grossed out by it. I don't blame her. I mean really, who wouldn't be, right? The thing is, she shrieks and screams and has hysterics, and pretty much scares the crap out of Cakesie (so to speak).
Poor little Cakes has been traumatized so severely by Bee's melodrama, that she now refuses to get in the bathtub! If we even mention the word "bath," she immediately starts bawling. She bawls while I undress her, and when I try to lower her into the water, she clings desperately to my neck and wails, "No Mommy! Zee poop! Zee poop again!"
When did she become French?
During her entire bath, I have to coax her to stay in the tub, while she tries to hitch one little leg over the side and escape. While I soap her up, I offer soothing commentary,
"No sweetie, the poopie is all gone! Mommy flushed it all down the potty! See? Zee poop went bye bye! Bye bye poop!"
After zee bath is over, Mommy goes to zee liquor cabinet and drinks zee vodka right out of zee bottle.
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17 comments:
Oh yah! My sister did this when she was about Cakes' age! She would grin and get all serious.. we'd be splashing and playing and along would come a ball of poop floating along on the waves LOL. Oh, my sister thought it was hystercal when I'd straddle the tub, holding onto the towel bar also the while screaming for someone and roaring with laughter. This was EVERY time we'd take a bath LOL
Why do I come to check my bloglines so often? Moving the computer into the dining room was NOT a good idea.
You are so hilarious. I wish I was a fly on the wall.
Poor, poor Bee.
We aren't having ZEE POOP problems . . . Thank YOU DEAR GOD! We have boys with ZEE PEE problems!
Funny post!
You can even manage to make a post about poop funny! LOL Hope those girls inherited your sense of humor. I love it!
Smiles,
Lea
We've had the same problem - although without the drama (or the frenchness)- Zai & Ellie just jump out of the bath as quick as possible!!
You are very talented at writing - I was laughing out loud the whole time reading this post!!
I think this was your funniest post yet!!! I was laughing so hard that I almost "zee pee" my pants!!! The joys of motherhood!
God Bless,Janel
PS Bee and Cakesie's stickers and letter went out today...hope they like them!
Love that...just read it to my daughter, she is 12...she loved it.
I have a 17 year old boy to....glad zee poop days are over. Oh now a teen and a pre teen...I need zee bottle! Beth
As a mother of a boy, I have the "pee in the bathtub" problem. I don't know of any bathtub poopers myself, but maybe you can try putting Cake's feet in some warm water (while still wearing a diaper) before bath time.
Hahahahahaha! Too funny, especially the last part!
HAH! We don't have chronic zee poop problems, but they've all done it at least once.
Too funny :)
That is too funny. I once took a bath with B and I too was struck with Zee poop. I am traumatized too even years later
My youngest pooped in the bath tub only once and it was while my best friend and her fiance were babysitting!!! She called to ask how she should clean it up and I told her I had no idea as neither of my girls had even done that. When I came home my entire bathroom smelled like it had been freshly scrubbed from floor to ceiling. Im just glad it wasnt me who had to do it!!! Im still suprised she agreed to babysit over and over again after that incident.
Alas, Darren has had similar issues, though only twice. The first time, he waited until we had pulled him out of the tub. As he was standing on the rug, he decided it was time for zee poop. Several months later, he decided to poop in the tub. Fortunately, he was the only child involved. UNfortunately, I had to clean up both incidents.
Nope, not alone on zee poop in the tub. So far 4 of the 5 have done it at one point. Elliott is working on improving his fountain impression so far, I'm sure there will be poop someday. We have had kiddos freak out about it too, kinda comical in a sick way. Once had to use a toothpick to pick it up b/c it was too big to just go down the drain, how about that for gross?
Heather,
Thank you so much for cracking me up! I cannot tell you how much I needed that today!!!! Please rest assured that your kids are not the only ones who feel the need to use the bathtub for something other than its intended purpose! You might have given me a new tag line "Mommy is going straight to zee vodka!" That should go over well at school if PB repeats it!
Thanks again for the laugh!
Sarah
P.S. I'll do my unspectacular things in a little bit!
This is hilarious Heather...... and all too familiar!! Yes, we have had many poop incidents in our house too. :) Saraya is always quick to jump out, and lets us know with incredible volume when Elijah lets loose!!
I don't think I've ever laughed so hard while reading a blog! Seriously, I was crying and couldn't even open my eyes. Zank you for zee good laugh!
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