About 4:00 yesterday afternoon, this is what my house looked like:
Living room a total pigsty,
junk all over the kitchen table (yep, those are the lunch dishes, and also a package of little girl underpants that I bought for Bee and still haven’t put away),
and lots more junk on the kitchen island and counters.
Also, our bed was still unmade. Yes, that is a pile of laundry on the floor. That’s my side of the bed – remember I told you about my “nest?”
You’re probably wondering why I’m showing you this.
Well, let me tell you a little story.
About a year ago, I did a Google search for a pre-printed, master grocery list form that I could use in the “Food” section of my Home Management Guide. I stumbled upon a blog, written by a homeschooling, Christian mother, and at first I really enjoyed her posts, because she seemed like someone that I might have a lot in common with.
The problem is, this blog soon began to make me feel bad about myself. The writer was seemingly so perfect, and I felt that in comparison to her, I was a horrible wife, mother, housekeeper, and Christian. To make matters worse, she often wrote in a condescending, critical tone, which kind of made me angry. When she started attacking people for their Catholic faith, I quit reading altogether. I believe that it’s very wrong to hurt others in the name of God, and this blogger was definitely hurting people. Sadly, she didn’t even seem to care.
Recently, it has come to light that much of what this blogger writes is untrue. She routinely misrepresents her life, painting a picture of an impossible standard that we could all live up to – if only we were perfect Christians like her. She clearly struggles with self-esteem issues, and desperately wants to be admired and built up. What upsets me the most is that I suspect that her blog might be detrimental to the self-esteem of the women who continue to look to her for guidance and advice.
So…the point I’m trying to make is this:
What I write about is my real life. Though I often write about organization and schedules and routines, that doesn’t mean that my life is always orderly and perfect, as you can obviously see from the above pictures. It doesn’t mean that I am perfect. I get tired, and frustrated, and bored. I have many days when I really just don’t want to do housework…and sometimes I don’t. I yell at my kids. I get mad at my husband, and he gets mad at me. My house sometimes gets really, really messy, and sometimes we have frozen pizza for dinner, because I don’t feel like cooking.
Sometimes I struggle with a poor self image, and a lack of confidence, and terrible self doubt. Though I try to convince myself that I don’t care what people think of me, the truth is that I do care. I worry that people might think that I’m an obsessive-compulsive control freak, or a bossy know-it-all. I worry that people think I’m fat, or ugly, or dumb. Or that my house isn’t nice, or that my kids aren’t well-behaved. I have the same fears and faults and weaknesses as everyone else.
I’m OK with admitting all of this because personally, I respect people who are honest, and I don’t want to be the kind of blogger who presents her life as one big picnic. No one’s life is happy all the time, and while reading blogs is a lot of fun, it can also make us fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others, which just isn’t healthy.
My goal in writing this blog is to help and/or entertain you – never to hurt or offend you. I write because I enjoy it, and because I hope that I have something useful to offer. You, my blog friends, bring so much happiness to my life, and I hope that I can, in return, bring happiness to yours.
I think that we should all be kind to ourselves, and to each other. We should remember that our life circumstances are unique, and are given to us by God. We might not understand his reasoning, but we can be sure that it’s good!
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 NIV
Oh, and one more thing…if I ever start behaving like the aforementioned blogger, you have permission to cyber-slap me.
