Stay-At-Home Mom Syndrome

This morning, I'm having a bout of what I call "stay-at-home mom syndrome." The onset of this syndrome always follows a particular pattern, so it's easy to see it coming.

The first sign is that when Cakes wakes me up with her usual yelling and banging, my first thought is, "Oh God. I can't do this today." But I do. I haul myself out of bed, and go through the motions of breakfast, and lunch packing, and school drop-off, thinking the entire time about how exhausted I am. I return home to face mountains of laundry, a kitchen that looks like a bomb went off, and toys strewn everywhere. I survey the mess, and realize that I've had the SAHM syndrome for a while, probably since last week. When school was canceled for days, and both of my kids were home, they created mess at three times the rate that I could clean it up. It was freezing cold, and we couldn't get out of the house, and they bickered and whined until my head felt like it would explode. I soon got depressed and gave up on my routine, preferring instead to huddle under a quilt and eat cookies.

When I gave up my career to stay home with my children, I thought that my life would be calmer and more peaceful, and in many ways it was. However, I soon realized that stay-at-home motherhood comes with its own unique stress and anxiety. It's a challenge that makes a 9-to-5 job look like a day at the beach.

Note: I'm not comparing SAHMs to working mothers. I'm saying that working outside the home - before I had children - was much easier for me than staying home all day with my kids. For a short time after Bee was born, I did work outside the home, and I took her to the office with me, so I know that working mothers have their own set of challenges.

I believe that in our society today, there are greater demands placed on mothers than ever before. Birthday parties have to be just right. The snack you provide for preschool must be both nutritious and kid-friendly. Your kids must be in the right activities at the right ages. The message from our culture is that if you choose motherhood as your full-time job, you'd better do it well. Before you know it, you're sweating every single detail, and whatever you're doing, you never think you're doing it well enough. It's the perfect recipe for depression.

When I get depressed, I pretty much throw in the towel, which is why my house looks the way it does today. It's difficult for most people to understand what a stay-at-home mom would have to be depressed about, because there is a common misconception that staying home is the easiest job in the world! You get to sit around all day and watch TV! You have no time constraints, no deadlines to meet, no boss to tell you what to do! It's a piece of cake! Right?

Wrong.

When you're home all day with young kids, you have no time to yourself. None. There are no coffee breaks, and your job never ends. It's relentless, and repetitive, and monotonous. You finish the laundry, only to start all over again. You mop the floor, and the kids immediately track dirt all over it. You pick up toys, but they get them right back out again. There is no definitive beginning or end to your work, and nothing is ever finished.

In my early days of stay-at-home motherhood, I felt overworked, overtired, and constantly anxious. I was always trying desperately to catch up, and failing miserably. It wasn't until I created schedules and routines for myself that I stopped feeling crazed and scattered all the time. My husband likes to say that I now have our household running like a well-oiled machine. Of course, there are times when the machine quits running -- like today, for example. Today, I'm struggling. I'm tired and crabby, and I wish to do nothing but curl up on the couch and watch "Crosswords." But if I do that, I'll just feel worse than I already do, and I know that I can get back on track quickly because organization makes it easy to recover from setbacks. I know that I'm always preaching to you about the importance of organization, and you're probably sick of hearing it. Nonetheless, I'm gonna keep saying it, because I believe that routines and organization are absolutely essential for the sanity of stay-at-home moms. Here are just a few reasons why:

You'll have more time to enjoy life. When you first begin organizing, it'll feel like you spend all of your time sorting and cleaning, but once you have your organizational systems in place, you’ll be amazed at how much time they save.

You’ll have less stress, and therefore, better health. You'll be free of guilt caused by procrastination, and anxiety over mismanagement of finances. You won't be frustrated over time pressures, missed deadlines, late fees, and forgotten appointments.

Your life will be less complicated. Organized rooms, closets, files, and purses save time, energy, needless repetition, and frustration.

Your children will benefit. A study at the University of Pennsylvania found a clear association between disorganized, noisy and cramped homes and lower childhood intelligence. Children who live in chaotic homes also have a higher incidence of depression and anxiety.

You’ll save money. Good recordkeeping, budget planning, and price tracking allow you to control your cash flow, and take advantage of sales.

You’ll reach your goals. Being organized helps you make daily progress on projects, so you actually finish them, instead of just spinning your wheels. No more endless to-do list!

You’ll feel better about yourself. I know this from experience. Which is why I'm gonna get off my butt right now and get to work.

Wish me luck.

(If you need help making a schedule for yourself, please see A Daily Schedule for Stay-at-Home Moms.)