Little Cakes adores her big sister. She idolizes Bee, and follows her everywhere, and wants to do everything that she does. At church a few weeks ago, my husband and I were working in the toddler room, and the little kids were eating snack and talking about their best friends. Cakes piped up, in her tiny little voice, "My best friend is my Sissie!"
We just melted into a puddle. It was that cute.
This week has been tough for Cakes.
Bee gets to go to swimming lessons, but Cakes does not. She has to stay with boring old Mommy and play on the swings. This doesn't make her happy.
She's tired of hearing that she's too little for this, and too little for that. Last night she wanted to play outside with Bee and some of her friends, but she was already bathed and in her PJs, and it was her bedtime. She stood at the window and cried.
This afternoon, Bee is going to play with Cole, who was her best preschool friend.
Last year he moved away, and Bee was heartbroken. He's back in town for a week, visiting his grandparents, so we arranged for them to have a play date at his grandma's house. Just the two of them. Without Cakes. As far as Cakes is concerned, this is the last straw.
In an attempt to make Cakes feel better, I told her that we could do something fun together, just the two of us. She wasn't impressed.
It breaks my heart, because I know she wants to be included, and she's feeling left out. To be honest, I've always told my husband that Cakes is the "forgotten child." When Bee was born, there were presents, and excitement, and fanfare, and tons of visits from friends and relatives. By the time Cakes was born, the baby novelty had pretty much worn off. Also, Cakes had a neck injury from the birth process, and so she was often fussy and cranky until we figured out what was wrong and had it corrected. She didn't have Bee's easygoing disposition, and so she didn't endear herself to people as quickly. Sometimes it saddens me to see how easily she's overlooked. At the July 4th parade, people were throwing candy from floats, and others were walking along, giving candy and other trinkets to local kids. A woman walked up to Bee and handed her a piece of candy and a flyer. "Here sweetie. This is for you," she said graciously. Cakes was standing right next to Bee, but the woman completely ignored her and walked off.
I find that I overcompensate now, trying to make sure that I, at least, treat my daughters equally. I also try really hard to make up for those who pass Cakes over like yesterday's news. It's a full-time job, and I wonder how I'll keep it up when I have three children, and poor Cakes is stuck in the dreaded "middle child" slot.
*sigh* It's not easy being Cakes.
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We've had a very similar experience with our second child. The 'gifts and visitors' area of the 2 baby books pretty much tells it all. Even the grandparents show much more attention to our older child. He has always been a much calmer kid who would rather be with the adults. I'm just waiting to see how God is going to use this personality in her life, even if it takes a while.
Oh poor thing! Cute post:) I feel the same way for my Kaytee, she just turned two and it breaks her heart when Taylor goes to school, her fab fours group, swimming lessons, so and so on. But it sounds like Cakes is alot like Kaytee - strong willed and outgoing - I dont think they'll have a problem getting forgotten for too much longer! You have the CUTEST girls Heather! Cant wait to hear what the next will be!! Did you say you're finding out? I HOPE!
Oh my----With a cute little faces like Cakes, how could anyone pass her by. Not that Bee isn's lovely too, I have seen the older ones get passed by for the "little kid".
I do agree with you tho. I have great nephews that feel the same way, after the joy of #1--what is 2 and 3--but then came along a "GIRL" and she was then again the one who got the attention.
Too bad for all those "middle" children who seem to be forgotten and thank God for all those mommies that try to treat them all fairly--my niece tries (and does a pretty fair job) to treat them all the same.
I think that every parent goes through this! I have oodles of pictures of my daughter, but only a handful of pictures of my son. He is also overlooked by our relatives because my daughter is absolutely adored by them and treated accordingly. So sad because my son is every bit as loveable and fun as my daughter. They just have different personatilties, as expected! Yes, I don't know what the answer is, but I also find myself trying to be "fair" to both of them by taking turns having mommy time or daddy time. Oh, and I was a middle child and think that I have grown immensely from it. Cakes will be just fine :-)
Oh PS--I also loved the "It's not easy being Cakes"
Awww :( I don't see how she gets passed up, every time I see her cute pics (including these) I always think to myself, "What a beautiful, little face!"
Cakes is a doll! She's going to be a fun little girl and have friends and light up a room! She'll bloom in her own time!
:( I feel your pain.
My boys are 4 yrs apart and Emerson (4) idolizes Foster (8) like Cakes does Bee. We have the same battles... Foster is really good about including his brother but sometimes he needs to hang with his 'big boy' buddies. We make a point to do things that Foster is too big for and Emerson is just right for. There are a few playgrounds around designed for the younger kiddos and Emerson loves to point out all the things Foster is TOO BIG for but he can do. I also have a few games that are "only for 4 yr olds" and Foster plays along and makes a big show of how he wishes he was still young enough to play that super fun game (currently it's Don't Spill The Beans).
Don't worry about Cakes. She knows she's loved & adored. Tell her everyday that she's the BEST Cakes in the whole world.
Luckily, Cakes has a personality that will not allow her to slip through the cracks. She WILL make her presence known.
I have a hard time with my younger also while trying to let the olders have their own time without the tag-a-long. It makes for some tough days some times.
Poor Cakes. If Pat turns out to be a girl, I suppose she'll find herself in the position of Jan in the Brady Bunch. At least once Pat arrives, she will be bigger than someone and able to do things that the baby can't do.
I have a feeling that Cakes will be anything but yesterday's news. Personalities like her's don't come along every day. And I mean that in the famous way, not the infamous way.
You will be a great mama to three. Love doesn't run out.
Remember, God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called.
Poor thing! My son is almost 2 and all he wants to do is be with his brother too, so I kind of understand. I think it will only get worse in the next few years.
I popped on your blog to read it and my computer has been sitting open to your blog for like two hours, lol! Seriously!
I am finally able to get back on the computer.
My two are four years apart and the younger was always frustrated at the freedom of his older brother, just like Cakes.
My oldest has also had lots of compliments over the years due to talents and achievements (4.0 in school and at college, sings and plays on the worship team, took first in the nation in a competition, etc.) and people always used to come up to me and say "I'll bet you are so proud of him" right in front of my younger son.
And I'd say "I am. I am very proud of both my children" and they'd be like "Oh! Oh, of course you are!" LOL!
Middle child, here. Yes, many times I was too old to do the cutsie things my little sister was doing and too young to do the older things my brother was doing. But I did learn to shine at my own things :)
Being a middle child, I tend to make sure my own middle child is not overlooked.
As I got to the end of the third pregnancy, I would tell the middle one he was gonna be a BIG brother and he would have to help take care of his little sister because she was gonna be so tiny. He loved it! He could not wait to feed her a bottle. I still tear up when I look at that picture.. he's all of 2 1/2.. proud as you please, feeding his baby sister a bottle. His little feet are overlapping and he has a smile so big his eyes are squinting. Thanks for the memories. :)
Poor Cakes - I'm sure when she's old enough she'll get the same things Bee's getting now - it is hard being younger ( I know Ellie always thought she should do exactly what Zai did).
Cakes is going to love being a big sister - I can imagine she'll love being a big helper!!!
You're doing a fantastic job!!
Poor thing. If it's any consolation, when my daughter sees your blog she starts shouting, "Cakes, Cakes!" and gets very excited.
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