We attend a wonderful, non-denominational Christian church, and our pastor is a very dynamic speaker. I can honestly say that I’ve never been bored during one of his sermons, and he always says something that stays with me for the rest of the week.
On Sunday, a comment he made in his sermon really resonated with me. He said that he made up his mind long ago to not take people’s opinions of him, whether good or bad, to heart. His reasoning is that, as a leader, if he puts a lot of weight on what people think of him, it’s kind of like being on a rollercoaster. When someone says something positive and encouraging, he’s up, but if someone says something negative, he’s down. Up, down, up, down. It’s not healthy, and it hinders his ability to be an effective leader.
He reminds himself every day that he is serving an audience of one. The only opinion that matters to him is God’s, and as long as he’s doing God’s will, he knows that he’s on the right track.
Over the last few days, I’ve given this much thought, because I seem to get stuck on the approval rollercoaster a lot. To be honest, I find that writing this blog puts me on it quite a bit. When I write a post that gets a lot of positive feedback, I’m so happy and excited. I think “They really like me!” (or my cooking, my house, my family, my sense of humor, my writing style – whatever). When I write a post that I think is good, but it doesn’t get much response, I think, “I guess I’m not a very good writer after all,” or “Maybe they don’t like me as much as I thought.”
This is a problem for me in all areas of my life, and if I’m honest with myself, I can see that it all goes back to the way I was raised. I spent so many years seeking approval from a mother who was impossible to please (see My Great Love Story), and I think I still get stuck in the people-pleasing trap. I try very hard to live in a way that is pleasing to God, and I know that what He thinks of me is all that matters. The problem is that I still have to be in this world, even if I’m not of it, and what people say and/or think does have the power to hurt me. I wish that it didn’t, but I’m not that tough.
I’ve learned that most people think of me as a confident, outgoing, straightforward person. This means that I’m a really good actress, because I, and those who are close to me, know the truth. What lies underneath my facade is still a sensitive, terribly insecure little kid who just wants her Mom (and everyone else) to love her, and still, to this day, can’t figure out why she doesn’t.
So I guess I would like to ask Pastor John how he learned to not take people’s opinions to heart, because that’s easier said than done. And what about you guys? Are you on the approval rollercoaster, or have you successfully gotten off it?
