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Suddenly, Bee just blurted out, "Mom, is Santa real? Because some people say he isn't."
I always promised Bee that she could ask me anything, and I would tell her the truth. So, she and I went to the History Channel web site, and we looked up the history of St. Nicholas. I stressed that Santa Claus (Sinter Klaas) was in fact a real person. He was a Christian monk who helped the poor and needy because of his deep love for God. I then explained that Santa Claus as we think of him is just make believe, but the spirit of generosity and selfless giving that he represents is very real. It exists in the hearts of parents, and anyone else who loves children. I told her that her Daddy and I pretend to be Santa because it's fun and exciting for her, and because we love her and enjoy giving her gifts that make her happy. I took this opportunity to explain that the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny are also fictitious.
She seemed a bit surprised, but not the least bit upset. In fact, she's very excited to be in on our secret, and she's eager to keep the Santa legend alive for Cakes.
Some Christians believe that Santa Claus detracts from the religious origins of Christmas, and that it's unethical for parents to perpetuate such an elaborate lie. I don't agree. My attitude about Santa is similar to my attitude about Halloween - children are exposed to the Santa legend everywhere in this world, and rather than rejecting it outright, I chose to incorporate it into our Christmas celebration in a very minimal way. My children absolutely understand the real meaning of Christmas, and we spend far more time talking about Jesus at Christmas time than we do Santa. We make a birthday cake for Jesus, and teach the nativity story, because those things are most important to us. Also, Santa doesn't bring elaborate or expensive gifts - only small treasures and stocking stuffers - because we try to keep the focus off material things.
I don't think there is anything wrong with teaching children the Santa legend, as long as gifts and materialism don't become the primary focus of your holiday. Also, I believe it's very important to tell children the truth when they ask about the reality of Santa. When I explained the motivation behind our perpetuation of the Santa legend, Bee actually threw her arms around me and squeezed me tight. She understood that we were motivated by love for her, and she knows that she can trust us.
Most importantly, Santa should not be made into a God-like figure. We shouldn't tell our children that Santa can see them all the time, and knows if they're good or bad, because that is attributing God-like characteristics to him. We always tell our kids that Santa can only do what he does on Christmas Eve because of God's help (just like Noah's impossible task of getting all the animals into the ark), and that Santa loves God, and expresses that love by showing kindness to others. It works for us.
As with Halloween, I think that the choice to teach or not teach the Santa legend is a personal one, and neither choice is wrong or right. Each family must do what they believe to be right and best for them. We must not judge or condemn a Christian brother or sister who chooses to do something different than we do, for the Bible says,
"Therefore let no one act as your judge in regard to food or drink or in respect to a festival or a new moon or a Sabbath day-- 17 things which are a mere shadow of what is to come; but the substance belongs to Christ" (see Romans 14:3b, 5-6).
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18 comments:
If more Christians could get a grasp on whose place it is to pass judgment.....we'd have a lot better reputation as a whole. God convicts us all in different ways. What is absolutely right for me is not necessarily right for my neighbor. I've never been able to figure out why some Christians get so bent out of shape by anothers convictions.
I loved this post. As a single mom I was taught it was wrong to teach Santa so my first child always knew the truth. After marriage, my husband wanted our daughter to believe and this has caused disappointment from my mom who totally believes it is wrong. This has caused a riff in our relationship.. especially since my daughter also goes trick or treating. Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you, Heather, for another of your wonderful even-handed posts. I agree with the first commenter that if we all judged others less and accepted more, things would go more smoothly. I've said it before, but I'm a "to each his/her own" kind of gal. In my own house, only my youngest still believes in santa - a bit sad for me that its almost over, truthfully. The older two were both 10 when they figured it out. My oldest had the best response, "thanks for the presents all those years." :-) My daughter was a little sad about it, but they both still write their letters to Santa along with the younger brother. Plus, I now have the added benefit of letting my middle-schoolers know that if they blow it, there will be nothing from santa under the tree for them. Ah, bribery as a parenting tool... ;-) When the kids were little, all the gifts were from santa, but now mostly its from me and my husband with something small from santa. Like you, the overall gift quantity is small. We explained to the kids early on that (since we don't have chimmney) we stay up for santa, let him in the front door and then pay him for the gifts he brings. We live in such a multi-cultural area that there is not so much santa talk at school that this has ever been dispelled. I admit that it was more magical for the kids when it was all from santa, but its still fun to see their reaction on christmas morning when they open the gifts under the tree. I will definitely use the website you mentioned on the original Santa Claus when my youngest figures this all out. Happy Holidays! Kim
I agree 100%. Our son is only 2 1/2, so he doesn't really get Santa yet. As he gets older though, I think we will let him believe in Santa while emphasizing Jesus in the Christmas season. I didn't grow up believing that Santa was real and I would like him to have the fun of believing if only for a little while.
Love this!! My parents didn't do the "Santa thing" but I still laid in my bed "listening" for Santa!:) Even though my daughter is only 2 we have always put out milk and cookies and it is SO fun (for me obviously) and I'm hoping she will be more into it this year!
You handled Bee's question very well. Glad she did not get upset. She is so mature isn't she!
What a timely blog entry today. Thanks Heather. I have been struggling with this situation with my oldest daughter, who wants to believe, but hasn't decided yet. In a round about way, she has been asking me questions. (she is 10) I don't want to be untruthful to my children and I have struggled with the right way to have this discussion with her. I love how you handled this! Now I know what to do when we these questions pop up. You have such great insights. Thanks!
I'm going to share this post! You handled this beautifully.
Have I told you lately that you're a kick-ass mom? Cuz...you are :)
Children are little for such a short time. I think it's a joy for the child and for the parent to participate in a little make believe.
My mother has many fond memories of her children enjoying "Santa." Around the holidays she tells us about them (again) and smiles and laughs and we all share in a little "moment." Don't you think that pleases God? Of course it does.
So I say, let them believe, They're only little once. But don't make "Santa" or the presents the center of attention.
I agree with you! It's so awesome that Bee was able to appreciate what you explained to her! My son is 12 and still claims to believe in Santa. I explained it kinda like you, about it being the spirit of giving. At our house Santa gives 3 gifts just like the wise men gave Jesus.
Great post - I'm so glad you were honest with Bee when she asked!
Our children know Santa is a fun story, but we chose to focus on Jesus' birth as well! When Ellie was at preschool last year she told everyone Santa wasn't real - sadly her teacher said that he was - Ellie just shook her head at me & said "Mrs W lied to us". It's easy for us not to do Santa as I grew up without Santa - but in saying that I like you approach. Have a lovely day!
Renata :)
Wow, that was a great response! I would have NEVER thought of that. That is such a kinder response instead of just saying, no he's not real.
I agree with cop mama! What a wonderful way to break the "bad news" in a wonderful, compassionate way! You have officially given me my way to deal with it. I also like the idea of not treating Santa Claus like a god who knows everything :). Really, it's kinda creepy if you think about it. I told my two year old about Santa (comes down the chimney, etc) and showed her pictures, and now she's totally freaked out about the "Little man coming into her house"... Ha! We had to revise and tell her he'd knock on the door :)
Thanks for being such an open-hearted woman of faith :)
We have a cuddly toy Santa which we bring out in December and this year we told our daughter that he will put a present in her stocking for Christmas. (Well we told her the other years too but she didn't understand.) We decided to do it like that so that it obvious that he is not "real" but a) she still gets the fun of it and b) it doesn't make a big issue of him being real or not so we don't end up with her telling other children he isn't real.
I thought your explanation to Bee was very good and I also thought it was a good idea that you told her about the other things (tooth fairy and Easter bunny) at the same time because then it means she isn't left wondering what other things are just pretend. My mum is still upset about the fact that she found out he wasn't real when she was four because her sister told her.
There is so much wisdom in this post. I've been struggling with the Santa issue and you've given me a very clear perspective that I can incorporate into our family plan. Thank you!
Heather, that was BEAUTIFUL the way you handled it. My 7 year old daughter is also starting to ask questions about Santa that is sometimes difficult for me to answer!
Stay warm!
Well said.
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